I hate all girls vehemently.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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