my soul wont recognize me after tonight
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
dude. I can hear the air.
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