Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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