Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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