In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
