"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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