You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
