he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
