She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
