So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
