what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
