that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
