great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
