the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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