We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
