I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize