Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
