Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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