9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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