Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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