FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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