So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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