Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
