i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
