Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Sorry my hands just texted you
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
