I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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