I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
