she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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