I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
