You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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