Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
