Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
