I just cut my nipple shaving
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
