the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
