I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
