he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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