well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
