This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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