either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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