her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
