how can u be prego again
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
