It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
