like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
