3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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