Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize