There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
