We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
