I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
