just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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