@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
