Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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