i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
