What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize