Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
