Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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