Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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