No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
