I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
