And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
This house was built for laser tag.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
