What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
