oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Randomize
