Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
zippers are such a cool invention
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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