Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
