yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
this just has baby written all over it
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
