I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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