i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
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