Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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