how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My dad just said "fuck circus"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
