fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My penis needs a shock collar
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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