Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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