I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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