it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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