How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
BRING THE BAGELS
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
