He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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