What did we do last night that was yellow?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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