nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
