i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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