just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
